...finally got the internet back

so im back from the village and online. i have written while i was away. so ill post these on the dates i wrote them. so they will be before this. never mind. so since i have been back, all of 12 hours, i have signed up to be a cam girl. i have decided i do all this way too much to not be making money from it so will have to see how that goes. im staying in on new years eve so might start then.

also i need to do some nice stories as all this numbers and me keepin track of who im seeing is more like an a-level maths problem. but as a quick note on this weeks plans. last night as soon as i got back, i saw 119. he normally comes to mine and last night i went to his. it was like some kind of progress. he is a major comittment phobe. 27 and never had a gf. not that i want that from him. its just that he is so insanely closed off and usually he leaves as soon as he cums. i know he likes me though and he is trying to spend more time with me. so when i went over last night we hung out for like 20 mins before he took me down stairs. he has been asking me how he can be better in bed and he was trying everything i had told him. having him between my thighs with his fingers hard inside me and tongue on my clit lookin up at me to see if i was liking it was so hot. he loves fucking me in the ass but he has a beautiful big cock so i cant usually take it. he took me in a way i hadnt ever done before. he had my vibe in my ass while he was fucking me with him on top then he slipped it out and stuck it in my ass. with him still on top. he held me really tight and kissed me lots as he fucked me firmly and slowly in my ass, my legs wrapped around his waist. it was so hot. it was the best way ive had anal. he slid my legs over his shoulders but he was too big in me for me to take that for long. he pulled out and dragged me down the bed by my ankles and bent me over the end of the bed and entered my ass again. he was holding me around my neck and waist and fucking me really hard now. i had my vibe on my clit and was crying out in a mixture of pleasure and pain. it was so intense. i love it when im gettin fucked and my mind just totally clears. last night was just incredible. i didnt cum but just really enjoyed how he took me.

anyway. i got carried away there. so should stop this. cause now im turned on. damn.

…started planning resolutions

i was watching an interview with miicky rourke the other day and they were talking about the time he alegidly slept with 14 women in one night. it turns out the reality was that it was 13 in 7 days. im sure i have or can beat that. 4 in one day is my record so that would only be 4 days of that. or 2 a day or a mix of a few and none and lots. so my aim for january is to beat that. i think a general new years resolution is to have more sex.

….monday bank holiday

so being away from london, away from phone signal, away from internet has got me feeling much more pensive. been thinking about exs and me and friends. i cannot get my last ex 105 out of my head. he was my last love and also the boy that locked me up for 5 days. it has never felt over with us. the first time, the second time, or now after he got back in toch the last time. maybe its cause im near his part of the country. i have to get the same train to the family as i did to his. what ever the reason him being out there, existing, living, and me not knowing about him, not able to care or help is on my mind. i have always loved having one that got away tho. i love pining.

...boxing day blogged

so it is the day after the big event. except i don’t think ours is a big event. its me, nan and mom and we just had a nice relaxing, quiet day. i got a few weird presents. like usual. which i like. when i see other people talking about their christmases on twitter and facebook i realise how different mine is. especially as i ended the day in bed, struggling to connect my computer to the wi-fi on my phone so i can check my online profile and chat to a few boys i am planning on meeting when i get back. my new excitement is f7. met him online last week. spent the day on cam when he was at work. and in his spare time he is an underwear model. so bring on wednesday.

pretty much the only people that have text me over this festive period are boys that im sleeping with or want to sleep with me. which is interesting.

78, f5, and f11, 126  wanted to meet

f8 is planning to meet up next week.

117, 122, f10, 118  said merry Christmas.

f7 nice chats and meeting plans.

f9 wanted to cam, texted, messaged me on line, called me. wants to meet.

125 wanted to cam.

119 chatted to me about how much he likes fucking me and asked what he could be better at and wanted to cam.

i have been tryin to get online all day today and i cant. its so frustrating. im writing this offline and dunno when ill get to post but im just feeling totally cut off. this village sucks. feeling a bit fucked up. sat here with the fam, blogging and watching a movie and sending messages to boys about how they want me to fuck them in the ass.

...realised i have no female friends

wednesday

girls hate me. girls who know me, who are supposed to be friends, dont go out with me. i was told last night it was cause im always with so many guys when i am out. girls i know with boyfriends dont like me cause they think im gonna sleep with their boyfriends, or think i flirt too much. girls im mates with dont think they dont have much in common with me cause im obsessed with sex and my lifestyle is so different from them. im not the kind of girl they want to be associated with. girls in clubs hate me cause of how i dance and dress. cause i dont care what people think i just do what i want. and other girls dont like that. and they are mean to me. i have very few female friends left. i prefer just hanging out with boys. but now i only hang out with people i sleep with. im having a girl crisis. girls make other girls feel so bad. i wish people didnt care about what/who i do, how i dress, how i dance, who i talk to and how. i dont. and im happy. just other people make me feel bad.

ugh enough whinge off. boring. im not goin for sympathy. just thought id show a bit more reality!

met a fit boy on line today and he has just started talking to me on msn. so that will keep me busy for a while and 117 is coming over tonight. that will be nice and fun.

...spent the night with my ex

tuesday
so i spent the night with my ex tonight. not in that way.ex 87. we spent the night talking about our relationship and why we cant have casual sex now. i feel a bit drained. it was an emotionally difficult relationship and a lot of things went wrong for us and we talked about all of it. i need a cuddle. text 119 but he hasnt replied. i seem to be in my two weeks off sex. havent had any for a week and a day. 87 wanted it, but i didnt. im meant to be meeting 117 tomorrow. but might be too busy. then im due this week too, and its christmas. so who knows when its gonna be back on.

ive set up a couple of new profiles online looking for girls for group fun and looking for someone to be my slave. i need one, i am too busy and not spoilt enough. got a few lined up in both.

massively tired now...oh 119 came over on sunday night. he is so weird and left half way through. but he has appologised and is so hot its fine. and its nice to have someone who only ever comes over for a couple of hours and leaves me to sleep well. oh and the heavenly 120, my all time number one, stunning baby boy, has text today. id love to meet him before christmas. im so obsessed with his face.

i think i need to go to bed and imagine someone wants to cuddle me.

...had christmas early

sunday
so i know i missed a few days but my dad came to mine this weekend for an early christmas. was lovely. and cause of that nothing fun has happened boy wise. im currently on skype with f6. his cock is amazing. and he just made me get in the bath and piss while i fingered my ass and pussy with rubber gloves on. would be great to actually meet him. ive only ever spoken to him on the internet. he has even worked for me and we never met. so weird. but really hot. anyway the ex 117 is texting me tonight. we are gonna meet on tuesday and play. maybe even have a bit of a date. i had a massive onslaught of texts on friday night. i couldnt meet any one cause of dad comin. same on saturday.

my period is due this week so better try and get a few people in before the christmas lul. im home till friday morning tho so ive got a bit of time. actually definately going on a date with the ex. which is hilarious. cause his girlfriend has gone home to the parents. im a nasty souless bitch. happy with it.

am very tired tonight and not feeling original.

...blogged on the loo

so today im on the toilet blogging. it is too late reallly and i wanted an early night and i didnt do anything i planned this evening. i cancelled 123 so i could have a quiet night in preparing for christmas. but instead i went to a gig and kissed another boy. came home and been chatting and texting, eating cheese and facebooking for two hours and now its 2am. chattin to f2 and 118. i have stuck to my 100% record of pulling while out at work. so happy. just had 123 texting asking if i was back on with 117. stupid 117 told him we met up the other day. what is with boys needing to tell everyone everything. jeez. 117 wants to come over now too. but im saying no. did a lil skype with f5 but i was too tired and he is a tease. the boy i snogged, f6, has been textin all night since we left the gig too. he is very cute. may see him on saturday.

woke up this morning with 122. he came over last night and we were both cold, tired and cuddly so we didnt have sex. which was nice. i slept well with him and we did it this morning. but our hearts werent in it. we lay chattin for hours and i missed all my work this morning. we talked about sex so much we ended up doing it 3 times before he left and i got on with work. 125 text again being an arse about not textin him tonight cause he would be with his gf. i mean jeez, if he told me in the first place he had a gf maybe he could be pissed off. but i didnt know better. i should be pissed off with him.

123 and 117 are still texting me and 122 is out so i suspect he will call later. but its phone on silent time now.

...got let down

tuesday
today was tuesday. i woke up late cause last night i was up late chatting to boys on line! 122 was meant to come over but he dissapeared. so i entertained myself with thai food, tv and chat. boring end to what started as a promising day. today has also been a bit dry. was gonna go see f1 again but a meeting got canceled so couldnt justify being in that part of town. so i had 3 hours to kill. i tried 119, 120, 122 and 125 and none of them were free. gutted. so i had to please myself with 66 on skype. 66 was someone i was sleeping with for two years. but he got married and we havent hooked up in 2 years. his marriage is not workin out any more, so he is back on me. after some work tonight 122 texted and wants to hang. so i am just waiting for him bringing dvds and good times. cant wait to feel his powerful hands on me. woop. bit tired tho. oh and i nearly forgot. when i was gettin the bus home just, who should walk up but 111 and his gf. they are back together. she confronted me the other week when we were out and tried to start something but i held it down and she ended up walking off. at the bus stop just, she walked up to me stared, wide eyed and walked off. my heart was racing and thank fuck we got different busses.

...wrote about today

TODAYS LIFESPIRATION



so after the drama of the weekend. it has been catching up a bit today. me and 117 chatted this morning and he told me he doesnt like his gf any more and has been broken since me and is sleeping with another girl too, but cant leave his gf cause its christmas. also said he has a really public relationship with her to make me jell. what a dick. but pretty funny. he left at like 12 to go to work. my best friend called me and told me this skank girl he'd been hangin with last night told her i had been trying to fuck another of their mates f3 and that i was being ridiculous and to leave their group of friends alone. it is pretty funny, 89, 117, 123, f1 and f3 are all like best friends. 123 has been texting me about the situation and asking to see me in secret again. we are gonna meet on wednesday. 120 has been texting again too. he is definitely my hottest boy at the moment. so glad to hear from him. need to see him asap. 122 text as well to apologise for having to go home. and we are making plans for the week. also talking to n1 and n2 and lots of other people on the net. but i think i might have a night in on my own today. catch up on sleep, get work done and give the lady a rest. let see how all this plays out.

ps i have been thinking about this as my diary and it is definately the best idea cause i cant really tell anyone all this any more. no one understands and its all a bit insane. also no one can know im fucking thier friends boyfriends or my exs friends or a friend or whatever. like new format. happy. now someone read this. think its amazing and give me a job reviewing men.

...started having sex with too many people to keep a track of

the past few weeks i have been sleeping with more people than ever. i am also meeting more people than ever, off the internet and in real life. so i have decided to use this blog to keep up to date with what i have going on. i havent been able to write much, anywhere near as much as i would like, on here cause i am so busy with work, so i wanna try and use this as a bit more of a diary. i litterally cant remember who i had sex with this time last week.

i have also been racking my brains as to how i can turn the amount of people i sleep with into a money making business. yes i know what comes to mind first, but a large part of what i do is find good people to have sex with. i dont want to be the one picked for sex, i want to still be the one in control and some how earn money. also the sex wouldnt be like it is if the boys were paying. so i need an external way of making money from this.

anyway i am going to be referring to each person by their number now. i also need a way of keeping track of who i am planning to meet and who i am liking off the interweb, but it might evolve naturally.

so this weekend -
friday night - i had a good sleep after a hard days work.

saturday - did a bit of tidyin an some nice stuff in my flat. went out to my old local on my own to meet f1, and bumped into my exs friends. saw f1 but he failed again to get away from his friends to see me. (we arent supposed to hook up). spent the night talking to 123. hes been tryin to get with me for a few weeks and is my exs best friend. he is really nice and we got on well and kissed really well so i couldnt really say no. we went back to mine, but i had to go out to do some work at 3am and wanted to meet 122 after so i made him leave. it wasnt great anyway. while i was out working i met f2 and kissed him. he wants to take me on a date. then i met 124. he kissed me, badly, but got really turned on and into me and 122 was gonna come over on sunday anyway so i let 124 take me home. he was some american guy. and had an incredible cock. and definately satisfied me. he stayed over.

sunday - 124 woke me up at like 8am to have more sex and then left at like 10am. which was good, cause i didnt really wanna hang out with him. i was really looking forward to 122 coming over. which he did at 2pm. we had a couple of rounds of awesome sex. i usually get bored of long sex but with him it just feels amazing and i loose my mind to him. he really knows how to handle me and hold me too. also we eat chips and chocolate and snooze on the sofa together watching movies. and he is a sex addict too. he unfortunately had to leave at like 8 to look after his dad. he was meant to stay so that was rubbish. but in some twist of fate, just as i was gettin bored, my ex 117, called me off 123s phone to tell me he knew about us. i was busy watching x factor so didnt wanna talk to him. he txt me later saying "you fucked my best mate". he actually has a girlfriend now, who is an old friend of mine, ridiculous. so i said it shouldnt matter. in the end i phoned him and he said he missed me etc. so i told him to come over. he was out so had to go but we carried on textin each other and he left straight away and came over. i thought he might wanna talk or something, but as soon as we walked in we started kissing and he took me in my room and we fucked all night.

busy weekend and think that made it 4 in 24 hours. my new record!

...took someone's virginity

well actually i didnt just take one boys virginity. as far as i know, it has been two. one was a little boy who was 17 when i was 22. due to too much booze i dont remember what happened or how it was, but i did think he was mysterious an exciting. i went out on my own that night and made friends with this group of 4 boys that i was teasing for being so young. one put in loads of work with me, trying to get with me and another sat moodily away from us and didnt speak to me all night, until he just came up to me and said to leave with him, now. he was very beautiful and now he is some kind of uber successful male model, which is cool. but being lectured at 9am about how an arts degree is pointless and how learning a real job, like finance is more important, by someone still doing their A levels. then being told all about Jew Camp. then having to walk him to the train station in the rain cause he couldnt figure out my directions, kind of took a shine off him. it wasnt until more recently that i found out that that memorable night was his first time.

the other cherry i popped was a when i was 23. he was 23 too. not sure how he got that far in life like that. and why he ended up with me. we were seeing each other for a little while then he sort of disappeared. well i think thats what happened. anyway he is a really successful photographer now. so that is a good track record for creating beauty and genius by taking virginities. cause im sure banging me first is the reason they are now successful.

...had birthday fun

it was my 19th birthday at a club in my home town, when it turned midnight, onto my actual birthday i decided i wanted to celebrate with some sex. i walked to the toilets and found the cutest boy nearby. i walked up to him, took his hand, and without saying anything, i took him into the girls toilets and fucked him. i told him i would be wanting more of that and that i would come and find him later. he was only about 17 and too scared to say anything. i found him and fucked him two more times that night and i didnt say another word to him the whole time. i never knew his name and wouldnt recognise him, even if he spoke to me. but it was a great start to my birthday.

...started using internet dating sites

i dont know why i did it, or what prompted me to start on it, but i know i wanted to push my sexual boundaries and expand my potential horizons. so one night at the end of july i signed up to an online "dating" site. within 5 minutes of being on the site i had already received 20 messages from guys wanting to talk to me, meet me, or go on cam with me. they all told me how stunning they thought i was and how much they wanted me. it didnt take long, i was hooked. sometimes all it took was a glance at their profile pics to tell me to steer clear, but there were defiantly more than one or two guys who took my fancy. i found myself logging in more and more, checking to see if any hot guys had messaged me. a few times i swapped msn details and spent my nights in doing everything you can imagine on camera, with them doing the same. i really got on well with two of the guys. one lives about 15 mins away, so after having msned a few times, we text all week, and then after the most important step, swapping our real facebook details, he came over. it was pretty relaxed, we watched a movie and talked all the way through and didnt even get to the end before we were in my bedroom fucking. he was really fun and has the really awesome ability to stay hard, no matter how many times he cums. this ensured i was fully satisfied. he stayed over and we did it more that night and in the morning. and that sealed the deal with internet dating sites. they work for me! 

the second guy i really got on with was not such a positive experience. a sniper in the army, who after sending 400 texts over 3 days, i was determined to know even more about him. i found him on facebook but what i didnt expect to find at the same time, was his wife and kid. he reassured me he was separated, which from her statues about missing him so much, i knew wasnt true. but i liked the attention he was giving me. after a month of constant texts and calls, that by then, i wasnt so excited to receive and often ignored, he informed me he would be back in the country soon and the first thing he would do was come and see me. living in ireland with his wife and kid i doubted this. but he stuck to his word and we met up. he was so hot in his pictures and really into me and i couldnt have been more disappointed. he was not hot, short, edgy, awkward and i had no idea why he was even there. we spent the night watching shit tv and eating pizza. i couldnt bring myself to go out in public with him and his boot-cut jeans. i did end up fucking him, but it was so boring and long. i was so glad when he left the next day. despite him trying to get in touch since, i have not replied and thank god he hasnt been too persistent.

despite this painful experience i knew there was more fun to be had. i met a guy through a mutual friend on facebook and when he came over it was incredible. he was really hot, really good in bed and really fun. he would make a perfect regular but unfortunately he doesnt live in my town so i just have to wait till he comes back on another trip here. since him i have accepted adds on my facebook from a couple of hot guys that i havent met but have friends in common with, so have a couple more lined up. but again, location is a hurdle with them. for now though there is always skype.

i was asked to write a little article on my experiences of the best places to find sex online. someone told me the most popular "dating" site, so in the name of research i signed up. this has taken my addiction to another level. that was a week and a half ago and since then i have received 1212 messages from guys who want me. i check the site constantly and when i am not out i spend my nights finding new people to chat too. i have swapped a lot of pics and done a lot of chatting but the sheer amount of people getting in touch means i am getting to be really picky. i have unfortunately found one guy who is perfect and we are so into each other. he is exactly my type and me his. we have chatted for hours and been texting each other. but he lives in scotland. so rubbish. 

i keep trying to use these sites to push my boundaries and hook up with guys i wouldnt usually, but id rather be safe than sorry, so i do take my time to get to know guys first. even the slightest sign of pestering and they are off my potentials list and i make sure i have checked out their real facebooks before i would meet them. obviously there arent hundreds of hot guys out there on these sites but when you do find someone you know they are going to have a like minded attitude to sex and be really open to experimentation. it  has added a new dimension to my sexploits and hopefully will provide me with plenty more stories.

...had a boyfriend holiday

this week i have discovered a brand new and exciting experience that i have thought would be a good idea. and worked really well. i had a boyfriend holiday. i was away at a festival the other weekend and met a boy there on the first night. we had some amazing tent sex and he did things to me that no one should do in a tent. it was really fun and he knew how to wind me up and turn me on in equal amounts. i moved to a different site in the morning an he asked me to take his number before i left. we texted and called each other for the rest of the weekend and we arranged for him to come to mine when he was finished working.

he got back on monday afternoon and i met him at the tube station and brought him straight home to mine. he collapsed tired and hungry on my living room floor and he pulled me down and lay there making out for a while. i put him in the shower and ordered us some curry. we then spent the rest of the night eating, watching movies and fucking. in the morning i got up and made coffee and pancakes and then we spent the whole day doing the same again, eating, watching tv and fucking. it felt like we had been doing this for months and it was totally normal that we were holding hands and kissing and generally being wrapped around each other. that night he went out with his mates and then came home to me, where id ordered a pizza and gave him blow jobs on the sofa. he was going to leave on the wednesday night as i was going to go out. but when it got to about 8pm we decided another night in with food and fucking would be much more fun.

we talked about how and why this wierd little boring married life we were having was working. we are both really similar in our feelings and attitudes to sex and know that just cause we were acting like this, didnt mean we wanted to be together or do this any longer than we were. we liked the comfort and cosy funness of this gf/bf time but didnt want any more from each other. so when it came time for him to leave on the thursday we said our goodbyes and that we may see each other soon. since then we havent called or text each other. i think we both got everything we needed from our 4 days together and rather then being led on or leading someone on after one night of fake fun, our concious decision to take a boyfriend/girlfriend holiday has left me feeling all warm and satisfied inside.

...had a big weekend

my sex drive is going sky high at the minute and i cant stop getting insanely horny no matter how much i am fucking. case in point, now. i have had a big weekend of it. thursday i got a new one, hd, very hot, gf, older, amazing in bed. we stayed up all night fucking. i love it when i look back on a night and realise the first person i saw and thought was hot, ended up in my bed. did that again on friday night. saw a total cutee at the pub, who was definitely a new face. later there was a room full of girls preying on this boy who was from out of town and staying at the place we were partying. he went to bed and i really wanted him so after about 10 minutes i went into his room and told him i was over the party and we should watch a movie. we both knew it was bullshit and i ended up just blowing him and fucking him for ages, while he just lay back. he kept saying, you fucking love sex dont you? after we were done i got straight up and told him id leave him to get some rest before work in 3 hours and left. im pretty sure i had just used him to get exactly what i wanted. but unlike the reverse, when a girl uses a boy, at least he gets to cum. i went home to bed, but when i woke up at 4pm i was insanely horny. luckily ti was online and feeling the same way. so he came straight over for some fucking and take away pizza. pretty ideal. then i left him to go out with the girls. hd had already text again and was super eager to meet later. so we sent each other dirty messages all night until we couldnt wait any longer. obviously that wasnt that long as thursday night was so hot. i picked him up on the way home and we started fucking pretty much as soon as we got in. he is so good. despite loving and having a lot of sex, fucking him makes me realise what sex really is and how is should feel. we stayed up till about 6am doing this and after some sporadic sleep he left this morning. quite excitingly i realised i had got 3 in 24 hours. i think that is a joint record with a couple of other days. now its sunday lunch time and im planing how to end my big weekend.

...updated my to do list

just in case you were wondering how i got on with my single plan to do list i thought id update it. not sure i have many ambitions now though. im kind of getting everything i want.

1. 100 - yep. did. done twice since then. but i think its nearly over. 9 months.
2. 30 - blew him in the woods. then he ran off with another girl. total douche. still wanna fuck tho. need to win.
3. Ex1 -  yep. banged. didnt like it. wont do again.
4. Pirate - yeah did that again. and yep he is still a dick.
5. Pfm - he kissed me a week or so ago. and likes coming to mine for food. so not much longer till i get him naked.
6. AS - still not been in LDN when im free. but will soon
7. DRM - got a gf and is really gay about it!
8. WB - he would be a bit of a last resort now.
9. Jowe - dont really wanna do. i dont go black.
10. LR - realistically, as i no longer work  there, will not be seeing again.

so i have had 4, am on my way to my fifth, lost one to gf bore, dismissed 2 and still have my eye of 2. not bad numbers. thinking about it now. there are still a few more new ones i want to get. 

1. cc - a friend i have never banged, but think we both would. so should.

2. dcc - ccs friend. was actually seeing him a few years ago. always wanted to go back.

3. bl - fit boy from town. mutual friends. i want.

4. am - the guy that is married with a kid in the army. maybes next weekend.

5. tm - met on facebook, cause i thought i knew him and didnt. apparently coming to visit this week.

and am currently banging a few good ones. these are my new regulars.

1. hd - totally hot an the best sex in ages. he has a gf. but whatever.

2. pj - had before but has got hotter, thiner and better at fucking.

3. ti - met on some sex website. actually really nice and cute. and he makes me cum.

oh and there is another guy who i am in love with and have spent weeks fantasising im married to. but that is another story.

...decided honesty is not the best policy

cheating is the new monogamy. i have started sleeping with a few guys with girlfriends. one guy ive been getting to know is married with a kid and is coming to see me in two weeks. one is the best sex ive had in ages and is incredibly hot and is hilariously over eager. all my best girls, well the single ones, keep finding themselves falling for or gettting with guys who then reveal are "kind of seeing someone". ultimately boy code for "in a very serious long term relationship". thier facebook status even says, in a relationship with.... not that we have been checking. my theory is that i would never cheat on anyone and if anyone cheated on me, i would cut thier dick off. however, if someone wants to cheat and they are hot, well that is their problem. and i am here to help. my friend has unfortunately fallen for a guy with a live in girl and asked for my advice on how to cope with the potential fun and pitfalls of an affair. i wanted to share my advice to her, because remaining guilt free, maintaining deniability and knowing that you are the winner is most important to survival and i found it quite empowering. this is a guide for deciding and preparing for entering into such a situation.

1. you are doing nothing wrong. you are not kissing or fucking him (or any other inappropriate behaviour) no matter how much you may be doing it in real life. convice yourself of this and you will be fine and will not faulter if someone questions you. you have to genuinely believe it your self and believe you are doing nothing wrong.
2. if you manage to get your self in that mind set. then you are pretty much ready to do anything. you have deniability!
3. however. if you think you will get much too into him to your detriment, then it might not be wise to pursue it too much, cause you will get hurt and feel rubbish every time he sees her, talks to her, and every minute he isnt with you.
4. but, when you really like someone none of that matters, an the pain is worth the good times. till the weight of the pain does not balance the fun.
5. so once you have weighed up if the pain is worth it, and have got total self belief in your deniability. then have fun! nothing beats a secret affair. 
6. one point to note would be to find out his intentions. for you to do this he has to be up for throwing caution to the wind when he is with you alone. you dont want all the emotions and pain for no banging!!! he has to bang you, or dont do it!!!!
7. you have to be strong and take silent pleasure that he picked you and you have the power (convicnce yourself of this) despite the fact he wont leave her and will ulitmately choose her, you still have the upper hand cause you are the fun, bit on the side, dirty secret, and he would risk everything for you. you have to believe you are better than her by being the mistress! even if that is all you ever are.
8. enjoy it.
9. when it hurts to much, stop it. and be aware that might mean having to change part of your life where your lives intersected. 
10. and finally. be prepared that people might find out. you have deniability. but if that fails you could also be hated. but that will be by a girl you dont know and her boring friends. oh and judgemental people. and probably a few more besides. so make sure you can handle that. your real friends wouldnt ever hold it against you though. unless it is one of their boyfriends. and that might have needed a few more points to cover surviving that!


yes i am a mega bitch. sorry. maybe honesty is not the best policy, in all ways.

...did 3 best friends

back when i was more messy and more involved in our little local community i ended up fucking 3 guys who were best mates and were all major players. one night we were out at dinner, the four of us, and they were talking about girls they had fucked and when one guy had fucked a girl another of them had, the third guy would take the piss and they thought it was gross. the whole conversation i was just sat there smiling to myself and laughing. then i asked if anyone fucked all three of them, and they were like, no way. they were all pretty sure of this, running through possible girls who they had and discounting them, till i pointed out that i had. that made the conversation for the rest of the night much more interesting. all three were totally different situations. one was filthy, once we had a threesome and another time i pissed on him before he fucked me and filmed it in our mates toilet at a party. the other was a bit of a regular and we kind of liked each other. and the other was a total mistake. he was at mine wasted, we were just hanging out doing poppers, as you do and the next thing we know we were fucking. it has always been a proud achievement to have been the only girl, out of the many, many, many between them, that got 3 all of them.

...realised i am everyones dirty secret

so after a particularly traumatic experience last night, that i will write about later, i have come to realise that i am everyones dirty secret. as ex 1 left last night he kept repeating over and over, please dont tell anyone, lets just keep this between us, i dont want anyone talking about this or asking me if im fucking you again. he went on so much that i ended up shouting at him till he left. now i am as big a fan as anyone of secret little affairs, subtle flirtations, taboo relations and being only one of two people that know what is really going on. however  there is something totally different about someone paranoidly repeating dont tell anyone, dont tell anyone, like some kind of mantra, after they have cum. and last night was not the first time this has happened. 

pirate was, and still is a big fan of this technique of anti flattery. he texts me and chats to me all the time, teasing the idea of fucking, then freaking out about anyone finding out and then not doing it incase anyone finds out. 30 is already doing it about the chats we have, let alone the fucking. and there are at least 4 more, that in recent times have done the same. el freaked out so much she was texting me like 10 times a day till i ended up shouting at her and we fell out, an then she made me tell everyone i had made it up an was just a big lie and that i was pretty much mental, just so no one would know.

i think the worst part is the post sex freak out. they got what they wanted, but then they are more worried about what other people would think about them fucking me than about just enjoying it. not that it stops them, in most cases, doing it, or wanting to do it again. it would be great if everyone was open, relaxed and found fucking just a fun and casual activity. but the reality is, most people aren't like that and more importantly, are hung up about what other people think. its a shame cause everyone could have much more and much better sex, and much less emotional stress and pressure if we could all, guilt free, just do what we want. i do that, and its awesome. however i often forget that other people see me being so open about sex and having so much sex with lots of different people, differently to me. some love it, some people dont care, some people hate it and it makes some people think of me as a guilty pleasure. they dont want other people knowing they would do something with someone like me. or dont want the gossip that surrounds it, or they dont want to be another one of my stories, but they do want to fuck me. i guess if it is the choice of me being like i am, or me being like them, then i am more than happy to be some peoples dirty little secret.

...started a to do list

so as i type, i am sitting here waiting for confirmation from the boy that it is officially over. i have actually been waiting on this for nearly a week now and have lost patience and am feeling a little over it all. so to occupy me over the past week i have started lining up my new to do list which will be put into effect as soon as the confirmation email/call has been received. i've attempted to prioritise them and then i can also keep a tab on where i stand once it has all kicked off.

1. 100 -   obviously
2. 30 -     we have been lining each other up for over a year and for some unknown reason we havent got it on yet. ive already been hardcore skyping with him this week. oops.
3. Ex1 -   we split up about a year ago. dont think we've seen each other since, but have been texting the past few days and we really wanna fuck each other. it sounds like he has turned into a dirty little boy in the past year.
4. Pirate - I have written about him before and we have been lining each other up this week
5. Pfm -   I have to work around him an we have been flirting insanely for months. i want him more than anything.
6. AS -    I went out with his mate almost a year ago an pretty much the whole time we have been chattin, texting and skyping. we really wanna fuck, but he doesnt live in ldn, but goes out here an is moving soon. phew.
7. DRM - Fit DJ. We talk alot but have never actually met. but we have said we want to soon, for fucking.
8. WB -   I fucked him a couple of years ago by mistake, but we always talk dirty and i lined him up this week.
9. Jowe - I've talked about him pursuing me before. he still has a famous gf but still really wants to fuck me.
10. LR -    He manages a venue in another town. spend 2 an half hours with him last night tellin each other how much we wanted to fuck if only we were both single.

100 just text me about meeting up tomorrow, so that will be good. and that means i will get him first. nice to ease back into single sex with an old friend. i have to loose any nerves i have cause from now on, i dont say no, and i dont let any opportunity pass me by.

...found the one

i have dissapeared for a few months cause i thought i had found the one. it wasnt actually the first time i had found this boy. my previous post told you, i heard from the boy that locked me in his room for 5 days. well we met up and not long after that we fell totally in love, again. we had a lovely semi normal relationship for the past 3 months. he was perfect. he didnt even freak out when i acted totally insane. and obviously we had constant and amazing filthy times. we fit together perfectly sexually. no-one has done things with me like he has. everything about him and us was perfect, apart from me being shit. a useless girlfriend, treating him like shit. but i really thought i wanted to spend my life with him and that it would be perfect and would get better forever. turns out though he is leaving the country in 6 months and doesnt want a relationship before he leaves and that i am just too horrible for him to want to be with me. awesome. awesome. so i now cant move, or breathe or even want to fuck anyone else, cause all i want is him. so unless that changes this will become very boring!

...had my first 3 boy foursome

i had an amazing 4some with 3 boys at the end of january. it wasnt technically a full on 4some, but i had 3 guys in me in one sitting. pb was out with mates from back home, one of them, fad, i had fucked a few times before when i was younger, around the time i fucked pb for the first time. fad was always really filthy. one time when i had my period he went down on me and while he sucked on my clit he fucked my ass hard with his fingers for hours on his living room floor.

so back to january, i spent a lot of the night with pb on one arm and fad on the other, making out with them in turn. i met the rest of their friends and they were hot. pb always asks me to come back to his, but i generally have more interesting offers, or cant be bothered to travel that far, but this time i wanted in an i wanted all of them. fad and his mate, key, had to get a cab at 5am to catch a flight, so shortly after we got back fad turns to me and says, right i have to leave in an hour an i wanna fuck you now. i asked pb if that was all right, if i could go to his room an fuck fad an he sent me away to enjoy myself. me and fad started to kiss and undress each other but soon gave up the pretence of any romance and just got up and stripped naked. after playing with each other for a while an me sucking on his cock he thought it would be a good idea to get pb involved. he came in and i was fucking fad, me on top. fad told pb to fuck me in the ass, but pb said he had me for the rest of the night after they leave an i had to wait to fuck him. he stayed there watching me and fad fuck for a while then decided to help out. he got behind me and used his fingers and tongue on my ass. it was incredible. we moved around so i could suck pbs cock while fad fucked me. after a while pb just started watching us again. we had left the door open and as time moved on all of thier mates kept coming in to tell us to hurry up and that they didnt have much time. at first we covered up a bit an stopped fucking but after a while we didnt care an just carried on while all the boys came in and watched for a bit. pb kept coming back for some more blow jobs and to stick his fingers in my ass while i kept fucking fad. it was all really laid back and fun. when key came in for about the tenth time, he stayed for a while and shut the door behind him. pb left the three of us in there cause he knew that key wanted to get involved. fad called him over and told him to come and touch me. i was blowing fad with my ass up in the air over the side of the bed. key came over and started playing with me an then just said fuck it, i wanna fuck her now. he got his cock out for me and i sucked on it while playing with fad, i then turned back around and sucked fad while key fucked me and then pb came in to watch. pretty soon fad came in my mouth. their mates started coming in again saying the cab was coming in 5 minutes. fad left me and key to it and we fucked until he came in me, making the cab wait. fad and key then ran off to catch their flight. i got back up and hung out with everyone in the living room again, but after a while me and pb wanted to go back to bed. we fucked for the rest of the night and morning and i came 4 times. it was an incredible fun night and we all got a lot of what we wanted. next time i wanna get air tight but for my first foursome it was more than all right.

...got told i am going to do what im told again

last night i heard from the dream boy from the time i got locked in a boys bedroom for 5 days. when i woke up i thought it was a perfect dream. i was ready for reality to kick in and to realise it was only a dream, but i realised he had infact messaged me on facebook last night. after 3 years. it might all start again.


you’re going to do what i tell you again.
you’re going to send me your address and your number along with your bra, cup, waist and hip size. if you’re a good little girl you’ll be getting a visit from me soon. you’ll be over my lap, in a pretty little dress that’s been bought just for you. you’re going to do what i say and you’re going to be my little girl.

im going to do exactly what i am told.

...just needed someone to stick it in.

that time is now. i have had a really high sex drive the past few months. and that being me, means it has got pretty intense. a few days without a fella kills me. i can make myself cum as much as i want but nothing compares to someone just sticking it in me. it isnt even for sexual gratification, it is just the enjoyment of naked boys and the feel of a cock in me, of someone fucking me. i have been getting easy repeaters with my top 5 favourites and havent been out as much as usual, as it has been so easy getting sex without going out, so there hasnt been many, or any, i cant think right now, new ones.

my one new favorite is bs. getting with him has been a bit more of a whole experience rather than a sex orientated thing. it started out promising with some text flirting and the night after he came home with me. however after sitting around my room for about 3 hours and it getting to 6am without anything happening i was starting to doubt the wiseness of this choice. he started the whole thing anyway so i felt it was his place to take it to the next level. after we got into the pretence of going to sleep, we eventually started getting it on. gently making out, undressing each other and feeling his cock for the first time, which turned out to be a little disappointing. im not saying it was small, but it was just average. pretty soon we got into it and it turned out to be the worst sex i have had in ages. and im not just blaming him. i did not have a clue what to do with him, i could not read him at all. it was like fucking a piece of paper. i got no feedback, we were all out of sync and i just didnt know what he was enjoying or not. its not like i had to worry for long, it was all over pretty quick. we started seeing each other several times a week. a lot of the time was spent cuddling and having little kisses. we did have more sex and it did get better. one time we even came together. that is always cool. me on top of him, grinding away, slowly, firmly. i could feel him building up and i just kept going as he started to cum, it totally set me off and we collapsed in each others arms happy. he is the best at cuddling. it didnt take long for me to realise though that there was not as much excitement and desperation and sexuality coming from him as there should be from a 20 year old boy. it turns out that he isnt very sexual. i think he is quite inexperienced and in one email conversation he stated that based on what i had on numerous occasions mentioned about my history, felt he could not compensate my needs and i should look for satisfaction elsewhere. we moved past this and managed to spend several more nights mostly just cuddling and being semi rejected, to the point of such extreme frustration, that one morning i shouted at him to just stick it in me. he didnt. he seems very confused and the whole situation is not easy. its like we are trying to have some sort of relationship but it is so frustrating cause we arent doing all the fun new thing stuff. i just want to jump all over him and make out for hours and stay in bed fucking for days. we seem to have fallen out again at the moment, so i might not have to worry about it anymore. he just leaves me needing someone to stick it in me.

...couldn't sleep

i have gone to bed for only the second night since tuesday, on my own. and now i cant sleep. so i thought now would be a good time to outline my current situations. i thought it would be good to put down where i am at the moment with everyone as it might not be clear where i am coming from with all of this. some of the stories on my blog are from my past and some are from my present. all are one hundred percent truth. these arent fantasies. i have done all these things. i am currently sleeping with 8 different guys and lining up 3 others. not all of them are as regular as others and some might actually be over now but they are all still present in my current mansphere. i think i will break it down by the rough order of most recent to last. and they can have their own posts.

de – he came over last night and we had a few hours of pretty great sex. he gave me an amazing orgasm on the second of the 3 fucks that night. i was riding him on top and he was grabbing my ass and grinding hard into me, my clit rubbing against him and his cock rubbing firmly against the front wall in my pussy. it lasted for ages and as my orgasm eased i bounced really hard an fast, sitting up, squeezing my nipples. he has a beautiful cock and is very nice and very handsome. i first met him back in the home town when i was 19. we shared a taxi home from a club, as strangers, and we ended up fucking at his. i had to sneak out in the morning so his parents didnt catch me. fun. since then we have really randomly fucked 3 or 4 more times, me visiting home town and staying at his, or him coming over to mine now.

100 – he came and met me at 7am on new years day at a party and we went back to mine a few hours later and hung out and managed to wake up enough to have really energetic, interesting and orgasmic sex. he spent the whole of new years day here with me and we fucked a couple more times. he has such a beautiful thick cock and is stunning.

miso – he came over earlier this week. it is only the second time he has stayed over. the first time we just made out all night as i was on my period and also i didnt want to fuck him the first opportunity i had cause our situation is so complex that i wanted to make sure it wasnt going to be a one off drunk thing. he is a really taboo person for me to fuck. under no circumstances should we even ever have thought about each other that way and because of that he will remain a code only ever briefly referred to and not really expanded on here.

hugh – i have been fucking hugh for 4 ½ years pretty sporadically. he is one of my old best friends exs. and i have also since become very good friends with his last gf too, el from the night i played filthy spin the bottle. the first time we fucked his first ex walked in on us fucking in their living room. they werent together properly any more but were still living together. we pretended to be sorry and upset, but when she walked out we ended up fucking again. i think the next time we fucked wasnt till about a year or two later when we were living in the same part of town and hanging out in the same group of people randomly. then we ended up fucking quite a few times, spending nights and days doing lots of drugs and fucking. i really really liked him from the first time i met him when he started seeing his first ex about 7 years ago. i always felt we had a bit of a connection and felt like it was more than just fucking every time we ended up together. the last but one time i went home with him, half way through, me sat on top of him, he just looked at me and asked, why does this always happen? quite soon after that we were talking on chat and we finally admitted that we both loved each other and felt like we should really end up together and we didnt know why we hadnt tried anything more before. since then, things between us have been really fucked up. we were really great friends and the sex was a good, fun and relaxed extra. now we can barely talk to each other. the last time i went to his it was really nice and we watched tv and chatted and cuddled and kissed a lot but didnt mention the fact we had said, i love you, the last time we talked. he has a really long cock and a beautiful, thin, pale body. he loves to watch when we fuck, either in the mirror or in the window or just watching his cock slide in and out of my wet pussy. it really turns me on, knowing he gets off from watching us together. i dont know where we can go next after everything we have said, but we will definately be spending more time with him inside me very soon.

ady – i fucked ady a few weeks ago for the first time in about 4 years. before that we fucked a couple of times at squat parties, he is actually the guy in the story about ending up in hospital. he came out one night on his own and met me. after following me around like a puppy, it became clear he was there to go home with me. there was loads of foreplay and he went down on me for ages then by the time he finally fucked me, he was so turned on he lasted about a minute. i quite like that tho, i enjoy it when they cum quickly as it feels like they really enjoy it. we said we were gonna be each others back up, but as we live opposite sides of town and dont go out in the same places it hasnt really happened.

pb – i first fucked pb 7 years ago back in the home town, on the night i got with 4 guys. after he moved closer to me again, we had an incredible 3some, which i am yet to write about. the most recent time i fucked pb was on the night when i had two lame ducks. pb is so horny i could have him whenever i see him. he is usually such a great fuck, and has an incredible body and cock. hopefully next time i see him, i wont have already lined up anyone else.

halls – he is the manager of one of my local pubs. i always thought he hated me. turns out he quite likes me now. or did. we had a couple of nights together and he is pretty impressive with his hands and we did some amazing 69s with fingers in my pussy and ass and his cock deep in my throat. but he has an inability to cum. it is a widely discussed fact about him, an that doesnt make for very satisfying fucking. however on the first morning i thought id wake him up with a cheeky, luby, hand job. it did the trick and he seemed very suprised when he came all over my hand. i found out after about him not beng able to cum, so have since been very proud. he did the whole, i like you, we have a connection, there is something here thing, but in typical boy style he went wierd afterwards and barely talked to me. all i wanted was to add another fun, casual fuck to my list and to fuck him in his office, but by being all wierd he has pretty much put an end to all future fun. however, i know that he knows he still can have it and there have been a couple of times we might have if i hadnt lined up someone else. so maybe there is time for more wierd sex.

pirate – he was my original secret. his gf broke up with him and he was really heartbroken. we were mates but neither of us would say we were close. i had heard that he thought i was really hot and wanted a bit of me, so i got talking to him on chat and offered him wise words on his broken heart and gave him a distraction by talking filth and texting him dirty pictures of me for him to wank to. we hung out a couple times after then and one night he got pretty drunk and when he left he text me asking if i wanted to go back to his. he said there would be definately no sex and he just wanted company. i said i was fine with that and wouldnt let anything happen. so back at his, in bed, we had a good chat and a laugh and were having a nice cuddle and he fell asleep. now despite what i said, this guy was hot and i really couldnt waste this opportunity, so i got up to go to the toilet so he would wake up. it worked like a charm and when i got back in bed he was definately more perky. it was the slowest moving, most tentative time ive really ever been with anyone. it was amazing. we lay there for ages with our faces super close together, talking, knowing that one move and we would be kissing. eventually it happened, but it was still quite a while before we got confident enough to kiss with real passion and then he totally lost it. he couldnt get enough of my body, grabing every inch, putting my breasts in his mouth, rubbing my aching pussy through my clothes. then he would sort of realise what he was doing and calm down and try and stop himself from wanting to fuck me. a little stratigic wiggle from me tho and it would all start again. this kept happening, building up and stopping, getting a bit further each time. we got as far as me being naked, on my knees, sucking his cock and i think we actually did a bit of 69 too, before it got too much for him again and his pain and guilt took over. boring. we fell asleep, but at some point that amazing night fucking happened where neither of you know who woke up who and how you ended up like it, but we were back at it again and this time he wasnt going to let anything stop him. he has a really big and beautiful cock and it felt so good streatching my little pussy. i bounced around on him for ages and made sure he could see his cock slipping in and out of my soaking wet hole. it was really great knowing that no matter what he had said about not fucking me, that he just couldnt help himself and pretty soon he came deep inside me. in our still sleepy state we were finally able to fall asleep satisfied. when he went to work in the morning he let me stay at his and sleep till whenever which was nice. since then we have hung out loads, several times a week and have often talked about fucking again and had lots of nice dirty online chats, but we have come to the conclusion that regular sex would be a bit complicated as we were already starting to feel like dicks for gettin with other people in front of each other and neither of us want to get too invovled so we are going to leave it. but maybe just fuck once or twice more cause we both really want to get each other naked again.

one of my other favorite things to do is line people up. i love taking things to another level with friends by chattin dirty on facebook chat. at the moment i have 3 people i am lining up. 2 are from the home town an are a bit different from the usual lining up.

one, ka, i met when he was djing at a club. i wanted him to dj for me so we swapped numbers. he text me as soon as i left saying he thought i was beautiful and wanted to meet up soon. a few days after christmas we went on a short mid day date in the home town. it was nice, a bit interview vibes as we didnt know each other. after he text me sayin he wanted to see me again as soon as possible. he was meant to come to meet me on saturday but his mom was ill so couldnt. he will come visit at some point soon and we will stay at mine, so that is gonna be one of my next ones.

my other home town boy, sailor, i first met 7 years ago and we used to make out. he is so stunning, nose ring, loads of tattoos and i love making out with him. we have found each other on facebook recently and he now lives near . we have chatted loads and a week before christmas we met up in my ends. was great to see him and we thought it would be funny to go out in the home town together over christmas. we did and ended up making out all night like when we were teenagers. i invited him to mine but he said he had to be home cause of parents and christmasyness. we arranged to meet after christmas. i would love to finally, 7 years later, get him in to bed. i bed he looks so good naked. he is back in two days so we will see.

i think the one who will be my next one i get from the ones im lining up is jowe. we have been chatting loads recently and swapping dirty pics and trying to arrange a meet up. he is just a mate of a mate who i have known for a couple of years. i could tell he always had a bit of a crush on me and always seemed a bit shy about it. but for some reason recently he has been really forward about wanting to fuck me and see me naked. he has send me amazing pictures of his cock and films of him fucking his ex gf. i am actually chattin to him while i am writing this. he is telling me he wants to fuck me in the ass while he puts the vibrator in my pussy. so exciting. he might come over later. he has a girlfriend and both him and her are quite famous so this is pretty secret too. he better come over at some point soon anyway. i want to be double fucked.

so that is where i stand. i have been having other one night stands between these, but they dont really matter and i know they are one offs. I really really want some sex now.