...finally got to have the sex I've been talking about!

The last few posts about amazing sex i have had, have been about sex ive gotten to try out that I have wanted to do. Things Ive wanted to try and ways to do it, that until now I have not been able to do. Not been able to do due to several factors, from the suffocating patriarchy of normal sex, to womens inability to successfully express their own sexual desires, which ultimately comes from the fragile male ego that scares women off from honesty with a potential angry or aggressive reaction and a lack of knowledge of how to enjoy the female and male bodies in ways that isn't penis or orgasm centric.

It started slowly. The changes were barely perceivable. It started with me taking more control of what happens, how and when, during the sex. I started doing more things with the male body that I was interested in. It was an exploration of my interests and new experiences so I needed men who were willing to not have their pleasure put first, and be open to experience what new pleasure was possible and what ideas I had in store.



As my experience grew, my questioning of normal sex standards kept changing and evolving, until I got to the ideas I wrote about in my piece “We Know Nothing of the Possibilities of Sex”. Since then I have had a ever growing fascination with the ideas around the power the pussy can have once the penis stops thrusting. Ive had a few instances in my life where I have gotten to have a penis inside me without the constant punishment of pounding, had some men listen and slow down and some who are great and deep grinding sex. I figured out how to make myself cum easier during sex with a vibrator and a slow tight sliding and pussy entrance teasing. When I am alone, on the few occasions I use a dildo, it goes inside me, and that is where it stays. I dont pump it in and out of me, I dont bang myself. I get it in nice and snug and grind on that motherfucker while the vibrator works on my clit. Ive known for a long time that just being filled with penis, feels much better that being pumped at. Yet I have never once got to have this with a man for more than a few moments or minutes. Why? When I know what makes my body feel the best, why am I not getting it? Cause its boring, its overly intimate, its different, you have to communicate your desire, its not what sex is, or men straight up wont listen or do it. But what if its not boring or overly intimate or hard to communicate. And what if men actually enjoy it too. Wouldnt that be a nice world. Well for me the other day. that dream came true. I finally had the combination of knowledge, self love, confidence and a man who was still a boy, wildly open to learn, beautiful, experienced, sensitive, respectful and a great listener. I had spent the night with him a month before, which Ill cover another time, but it had been really really good and I knew he would be open to what I wanted and letting me lead. I had spent most of the days leading up to meeting 374 thinking about pegging him again. He was so incredibly good last time I wanted it again so badly. That is what I was anticipating. I had been feeling particularly angsty the last week and wanted to dominate, objectify and control a sexy young boy. But that isnt what happened.

This time it was really cold, and the bed in the bus was fucked up so I suggested we get a hotel. He was instantly into it and told me he would get us the hotel. I had to stay in the town 45 miles from him but he said we could get the hotel where I was. That kind of effort turns me on. I was able to check into the hotel a few hours before he was able to get there, so I spent the afternoon showering, and just enjoying a nice, hot room with a full size bed and cable TV.

We spent the first hour or so talking and making out and slowly getting more and more undressed. I love kissing and dry humping so much. The tease, the build up, the ache.
I wasnt yet sure how drawn out I wanted out time to be. But then all of a sudden my leggings were being pulled off and his face was instantly buried in my pussy. I thought for a second about stopping him and slowing things down again. I wanted to be the one doing things to him. But as soon as I realised how absolutely amazing he was being with his mouth, I kept quiet. He was amazing because he was soft, gentle, slow, passionate and clearly deeply involved in the reality of my vagina. He got more relaxed into it as I did, becoming more exploratory, asking how it was feeling, and never speeding up or increasing the pressure. When I know someone isnt going to suddenly start doing things to my vagina that hurt I can truly enjoy what they are doing, and clearly he knew how to treat her. When he started using his hands too, I just melted. He wasnt finger banging me, or even penetrating me. He was holding me and touching all around my outer lips, outer vagina, perineum and ass. His fingertips barely tickling the parts of me that were starting to ache for more stimulation. He kept me aching and wanting more and more, instead of giving way too much and making me withdraw.

Now, like usual, i forget what happened and in what order. But I realised that occurs because when Im in the moment doing it, I am 100% there. My mind is entirely blank and all that exists are the sensations my body feels. I dont try and do certain moves. Im not performing sex. I am completely in flow, interacting and reacting to the moments as they occur. Memories dont form, only sensation exists.

I am aware that next, or after me getting to play with his penis for a bit, that he was on top of me and teasing my pussy with his cock. I love being teased like that and after cumming once or three times on his face, I was so ready to feel him inside me. His dick is uncircumsized, my absolute favorite, its very fat, just big in general. He quickly pushed it into me and filled me up. Squeezing that massive thing inside me felt amazing, I could feel myself stretch around him. And then he started fucking me. And all the memories of last time came back. It had all been so good, except for his juvenile jack hammering as soon as his dick was inside of me. It had been a disappointment that I let slide then, but I wasnt gonna let that happen again this time. I told him to slow it down and he did a bit. But this time I was ready to do what I really wanted to do. I knew he would listen and let me try me taking control of how the this could happen and he did. So after suggesting the idea I end up on top of him and ready to totally let go.

One of the reasons I haven’t acted out the PIV sex I know I like and want is cause of the ego and insecurity. Sex is “supposed” to be a certain way. Women are “supposed” to enjoy certain things. I, especially as a very sexual woman, am assumed to like sex a certain way and to be talented and skilled in some way that makes me feel like I should be able to perform somersaults on a trapeze on to a dick and cum, and enjoy it. Being entwined, not thrusting, grinding, taking your time, slow, cool moments and actions are not what is considered good, hot, fun or wild sex. We know men like pumping and thrusting and looking at us in certain positions and we want to be “good” in their eyes. But good in their eyes isn’t good for our bodies. So I had to cast aside ego and insecurity in order to be able to let my body explore how it can really feel good. Knowing 374 was totally open to this exploration and was willing to just see what might come of it and happen, meant I was relaxed enough and confident enough...and high enough, to follow my desires. To shut off my brain and let my body figure out what was good.

So I am on top we are naked and he isnt inside me. We kiss, so much. We grind firm and hard, my wet pussy sliding over him until my pussy grazes his cock. I move my hips slowly till his dick is perfectly positioned against my vagina entrance and I keep wiggling against the tip while I grind my clit against him, our tongues entwined, his hands running sofly over my skin. My pussy aching more and more the longer its teased until I can’t take the wait any longer. Slowly his big, fat, dick starts stretching my pussy around it, working my way further on to it, squeezing my muscles, circling my hips, really feeling my vagina opening up and accommodating the penis, until finally he is buried deeply and still inside me, my pussy and body shaking and flinching from the pleasure of engulfing his big dick. We are in missionary, but with me on top. We are able to kiss and talk while I hold him inside of me. I am able to let my body grind against him. And finally, I am able to start exploring what my pussy can do around his penis. I am already connected to my pelvic floor and can clench and release the various muscles in my pussy, so I just start trying it out on him, moving ever so slightly, trying to create a wave in my vagina walls, feeling new and different sensations I could find and create, flinching my clit, making my outer lips throb, squeezing and releasing the penis are certain points and depths. It almost instantly blew our minds that we hadnt ever got to do this before. It seems so simple. It felt so good. And yet, in all my years, with all my experience, this was a first. Getting to spend as much time as I want, using a penis, to explore how my pussy could feel. It felt so right to mutually massage the penis and vagina this way.

I have been exploring yoni massage recently and this felt like I was able to use a big hard dick to massage my insides, while at the same time using my muscles in ways I have never got to be able to before. We were both in our own worlds. My head was down by his neck and his hands were on my hips and would wander over my ass, and down to my outer vagina and under buttchecks again, fingertips brushing all the good my perineum and asshole, making me ache for more again. We would occasionally make out or talk. We werent trying to get anywhere. We were just letting us see how this stuff felt. His dick was big enough so i could put my legs together on top of his, making my pussy even tighter around him. He stayed hard even without any thrusting stimulation, better than when we just had average pumping sex last time, and I could feel his dick get even harder when I was doing certain things, or when my grinding or squeezing would take me deep into the sensation and flow. He would run his hands over my back and shoulders, letting me know he was still there with me.We were so relaxed and able to just soak in the pleasure without needing more. It was similar to a massage that is just amazing, pleasurable time for your body to feel good with someone else, not sex, not fucking, just the giving and receiving of pleasurable sensations. I don't remember when the orgasms started, but there were lots and they were varied.

After a while he asked for a break. To me sex isn't one 5-20 minute act of pumping obviously,  its a all night session of naked, physical and mental connection and exploration. So I love taking breaks. We established that we were both very much enjoying this exploration and that it was working amazingly for both of us. We started switching up positions in between breaks. One position we tried was with me kind of propped up by my arm on my side with my right leg and hip bent forwards and up so I could do some dabs while his dick was inside me, in a spoon/behind position. I just wanted him to push himself fimly inside of me so I could push back against him and squeeze his cock. I can’t remember if I had my vibrator on my clit while he was inside me like that, but I had already cum way more without it than i ever do, but I did have a massive orgasm in that position after I took a dab! And then a few more.

We also did my favorite position, me lying on my front, legs together, with him straddling  my legs, dick deep inside me, leaning forward over my back. That has been my favorite position in normal sex cause it feels the most like the non thrusting penis massage that gets me off the most. I can get them to fuck me slow enough for just long enough to get off with a vibe on my clit. With a man who was letting me explore that, the position got even better. The glimpses of feelings I would get when a man was pumping away at me from behind were able to be fully explored and felt. I joked that considering this sex wasnt supposed to be about orgasms, I sure was having a lot of them!

At one point he ate my pussy again and I came three times, he just kept going. Not in a forceful, keep cumming way, but because we had disappeared and he was one with my vagina. He was interacting with it, not pleasuring me or trying to give me a orgasm. he was just doing what he was enjoying until he was done. He would be so happy when he emerged, face covered in my pussy juice that was flowing fast and I love kissing and licking it off his pretty little face.

With all this that had been going on, I hadnt even gotten to say hi to his ass yet. So after another break I got him on his front and got to see it again. Its so big and juicy and soft and I just loved putting my face on it, squeezing it, biting and licking the cheeks. Teasing his inner cheeks and gooch with my tongue, sliding down over his balls, running my hands up his thighs and under his hips so my fingers grazed his dick, pulling it out from underneath him so his cock, balls and asshole were nicely lined up for me to lick from tip to hole. Such a perfect asshole. So deep in between his cheeks. I just wanted my face buried in there. I ate it for a while, sucking, teasing, poking until i climbed up his back to kiss his neck and grind my pussy on that beautiful ass. I was so wet I got it all over him. i kept grinding against his ass while pulling his face around to kiss him. He told me how he wanted to feel a cock in his ass and to feel someone fill him up with cum. Its one of my main fantasies I havent got to fulfil, MMF bi threesome, and it turned me on so much hearing this boy tell me that. I wanted to be in his ass so bad but we ended up in a 69 during which I was way too distracted by his abilities and my orgasm to give him much more attention.

There were times during the PIV time that i needed a bit more movement from him, a couple of times where more traditional thrusting felt good for a minute. Having the entrance to my vagina teased with a back and forth shallow motion would feel amazing. Sometimes it was me slowly moving on the penis to change its depth. But at no point did he throw all my desires out the window and start pumping at me. He let me define everything. Because of that I was able to have so many more, and much better orgasms than I ever normally do. I was able to properly relax during sex. I was able to cum without moving. I was able to discover that if the penis was in a certain position I could squeeze my muscles around it and would almost instantly cum. I was able to feel and use muscles I didnt know I had. We were both so relaxed and calm the whole time.

By about 2.30am, 6 hours in, 10 orgasms to me, none to him, I thought of something i needed to do with him before it was all over. I wanted him to sit on my face. I had done it recently with my last love and it was unreal. So I wanted this juicy peach on my face, bad. He was happy to oblige. He played with me a bit too at first, dipping his head to my pussy, but he wasnt in the right position properly on my face, so I got him to stop and just sit up on my face. He was facing away from me and I could reach around and stroke his cock at the same time. He took over stroking his cock as he was getting more and more into it. I could sense how much he liked it, and last time we were together he came with something in his ass each time, so I knew I wanted him to cum like this. A beautiful, big, tanned, soft, big dicked, 21 year old, who gave me the best oral and dick ever, sat on my face, tongue up his asshole and hands on his cheeks, while he stroked his cock faster and faster. I wished I could have seen his face and cock as I felt his asshole twitching, his moans and grunts increasing and he came all over my chest and body. It was so fucking hot. He cleaned me up and we both collapsed. I was definitely freshly horny after that, but it was also super late and as we lay together trying to think how he could finish me off again, we started falling asleep. As he had to get up in 3 hours, we decided to let sleep take over. After a bit of spooning, I rolled over and slept bum to bum.

In the morning he had to get up and ready for work and leave by 6. Watching him walk around and get dressed, while the pleasure and connection from the previous night still lingered, i didn't want him to go. I got in as much cuddles as I could, but was getting increasingly horny knowing he would be gone and I wouldn't be getting him or his lovely penis again for a long time. Just as he was ready and about to leave I asked if he fancied a quicky, just to do it one more time before he left. He was naked again, on top of me and inside me straight away. I was so glad to feel him on me and his cock felt so huge stretching me again. He asked if he could fuck me from behind, with it being my favorite at the moment i instantly switched up, and grabbed my vibrator for my clit. There was no pussy massage, no exploring, no calm, I wanted us to both get off before he had to leave and that was it. I wanted him to fuck me hard and fast. I wanted him to have me how he wanted me right then. It was the perfect balance to the night before. I came as he fucked me from behind which set him off getting closer to cumming, his dick growing, his moans and noises so fucking sexy in my ear, bringing me closer again to another orgasm, harder, faster, till just as my orgasm erupted, he pulled his cock out of me and covered my ass and pussy with his cum. It felt so good, so much cum. He was dressed and ready to go before I had even recovered. It was a great goodbye.

After, I was able to reflect on the new sensations and experience i had just had. It was amazing. It really lived up to everything I had wanted it to be. And more. My pussy feels brand new. Sitting writing this 4 days later, I can feel her in ways I never have before. She is still aching, like my legs were after hiking the Grand Canyon a few days before. Overworked muscles. Since then I have been able to isolate my muscles in my pussy better. I had all the pleasure and orgasms and more than I thought I would, given the space to enjoy a penis in a way I wanted. It surpassed my expectations. It wasn't boring. I wasn't insecure. I felt whole, in control, safe, comfortable, relaxed, respected, wise, experienced, excited, in a state of heightened sensation, like i was getting a long, luxurious massage.

A skinny person who has never done any exercise does not have visible abs. They are skinny fat. Muscles aren't just sitting there, defined and developed, just hiding under our fat. They have to be worked out, and worked on. Most vaginas are skinny fat. They are dead meat. It isn’t considered to be a muscle or body part that needs working out or developing, it just is.The idea of doing Kegel exercises is the first, basic, step of developing these muscles, not the be all and end all, or only as a way to stop us dribbling pee when we cough. But penis’ get hard and work those muscles most days. Because of my work, I have gotten to work on my vagina, know it and develop it a lot. But I am barely learning what its possibilities are. Even for me, until now, most of the time and during most pounding PIV time it feels like dead meat. It gets stimulated sexually, but i can't feel my vagina. However, after getting to use it in a new way the other day, i am starting to see and feel a bit more of what a vagina could do. I can now create stimulation and pleasure just from clenching and flexing certain muscles in my vagina, and am pretty sure with practice, could elicit a orgasm. My pelvic floor is strong enough to not let me insert a dildo into my vagina when I am clenching, even when I use the full force of my arm pushing it against my entrance. The sensations I got using these muscles with a penis were even better than I anticipated they would be. My vagina isn’t a unicorn. I just have had a lifestyle that has enabled me to start working on these things and connect with my vagina on a deeper level. As I continue to question the pleasure gap between male and female sex and look for solutions to the problem, I suggest a much much deeper understanding of what the vagina can do, what actually feels good for women, and how to get the space and understanding to explore our vaginas with a penis. I finally had the sex ive always wanted...but its only just the start.